The Dog Is Trained—But What About the Kids?

The dog is trained. Place holds are solid. Recall is reliable. Crate time is calm. You’ve done the reps, the pressure work, and the mindset shift. Then summer hits. The kids are home. Grandma’s visiting. A neighbor pops in with their dog. And suddenly… The structure collapses. What gives?

Simple: The dog isn’t the one struggling with consistency. The humans are. More specifically, the smaller, snack-holding, high-pitched, barefoot ones. So let’s talk about what it really takes to build “family follow-through” this summer—and why even the best-trained dog still needs leadership from every person in the house.

Training Doesn’t Transfer—Unless You Do

One of the biggest myths in dog ownership is this: “The dog knows it—they’re just choosing not to do it.”

But here’s the truth: dogs don’t generalize. They learn based on context, consistency, and the clarity of the person giving the command. When Dad is structured and firm, the dog obeys. When a guest squeals “sit sit sit sit” like a broken Pez dispenser—guess what? The dog ignores it.

Neuroscientist and parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson says: “Your nervous system teaches more than your words ever will.” So when the dog hears calm pressure and sees clear follow-through from the trainer or parent, their nervous system settles. When the energy is chaotic, giggly, or overly permissive, the dog doesn’t know how to anchor.

Dogs Know the Difference Between You and Your Kids

This isn’t just about obedience—it’s about perceived leadership. Dogs follow clarity. They follow pressure that makes sense. And they know when someone can back it up. Children, by design, are inconsistent. They’re emotional. They get excited. They change their mind.

Your dog? Notices that.

And that’s why summer often brings back pushy behaviors like:

• Jumping

• Nipping at running kids

• Stealing food off plates

• Bolting through open doors

Not because the dog forgot the training—but because the environment got louder than the rules. As dog trainer Sean O’Shea puts it: “What you allow is what you teach. And what you don’t correct, you reinforce.”

Why Guests (and Grandparents) Break Your Training

Let’s talk about the adults in your life. They love your dog. But love without boundaries is just indulgence. And indulgence is the enemy of structure.

We’ve all heard it:

• “But he’s just so cute!”

• “She came over to me! I couldn’t ignore her!”

• “I gave him a bite because he looked hungry.”

In reality? That “bite” just rewarded begging. That pet reinforced jumping. That squeal mid-place hold undid your last 50 reps. Dr. Brene Brown said it perfectly: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” So if your guests love your dog, the kindest thing they can do is respect your training. But that won’t happen unless you take the lead and teach them how.

Build “Family Follow-Through” in 3 Steps

Let’s be real: you’re not going to get your kids or your houseguests to act like professional dog trainers. But you can create a summer playbook that teaches everyone how to respect the structure without turning your house into a bootcamp. Here’s how:

1. Post the Summer Rules Where Everyone Can See Them

Make it visual. Make it obvious. A chalkboard, a whiteboard, a sticky note on the fridge. Keep it to 3–5 core rules. Examples:

• No talking to the dog while on Place

• No giving food from the table—ever

• Ask Mom or Dad before letting the dog outside

• No calling the dog out of the crate

• Calm voice and still hands when petting

This turns your household into a team, not a collection of “rule exceptions.”

2. Assign Roles and Give Empowerment, Not Just Reminders

Kids love responsibility—when it feels meaningful.

Instead of nagging, assign them leadership roles:

• “You’re in charge of rewarding Place today.”

• “Let’s see who can catch the dog sitting at thresholds and reward it first.”

• “You’re the ‘quiet handler’—any barking means you do a 2-minute settle drill.”

Make structure feel like a game and your kids will step into the role. Child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene reminds us: “Kids do well when they can. If they’re not, something’s getting in the way.” Training gives them a way to show up as leaders—not just loud playmates.

3. Rehearse Guest Scenarios Before They Happen

Most breakdowns don’t come from daily life—they come when company arrives. The fix? Rehearsal.

Run a 10-minute “guest drill” once a week:

• Knock on the door.

• Place the dog.

• Walk in calmly.

• Pet only when calm.

• No one talks until the dog is released.

Teach kids to help you lead the drill so that by the time real guests arrive, they know what role to play—and the dog knows what to expect. This mimics what we teach during real in-home sessions with families.

The Science Behind It

Why does this work? Because repetition + predictability = regulation. The more the dog sees everyone in the house enforcing calmness, the more their Reticular Activating System (RAS) stops scanning for chaos and starts filtering for peace. As Dr. Stephen Porges explains in his Polyvagal Theory: “Safety is not the absence of threat—it’s the presence of connection and predictability.” That’s what we’re building when we unify the family behind a single rhythm.

Final Thought

Your dog is trained. But your household may not be. And that’s okay. Training isn’t about creating perfection. It’s about building a shared language that everyone can speak. So this summer, don’t get frustrated. Get unified. Write the rules. Assign the roles. Practice the moments that matter. Because the goal isn’t just a well-trained dog—it’s a family that leads together. And when that happens? The dog follows. Every time.

References

1. Porges, Stephen W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

2. Bryson, Tina Payne & Siegel, Daniel J. (2018). The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child. Ballantine Books.

3. Ross W. Greene, PhD. (2008). Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges Are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them. Scribner.

4. Brown, Brené. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.

5. O’Shea, Sean. (n.d.). The Good Dog Training Program. The Good Dog Way.

6. Millan, Cesar. (2006). Cesar’s Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems. Crown Publishing.